Jack

(More aptly described as the metamorphosis of the fears of a high school principal who switched to elementary.)

Preface--After nearly 30 years as an educator of high school students, I was excited at the prospect of opening my own elementary school. I had been among the guilty that had felt that “if only” such and such had been done in the early years, maybe the result in the teen years would be much different. I had been given the priceless gift of crafting an elementary school with the beliefs; parameters and practices that would create what I hoped would be a very special place for children to learn.

Here I stood on my first day as an elementary school principal feeling pretty insecure as to what I was suppose to do. I had already admitted my fears to my faculty and I had total faith in their abilities, which made my own elementary inadequacies a little less horrifying. In my effort to have a real relationship with my families and especially my students, I decided that the desk would not be my best friend anymore. I was ready with my new clothes, my new school and my new role. So, where do I stand to greet my students on that first day and the days to follow? Where does an elementary principal stand? In high school, I found that the nature of adolescent years created isolation within the circles of friends and rarely did that include the principal. I wanted to make sure that I was approachable…that I was warm, friendly, and at least on the surface, confident even if my knees were wobbling from the inside out.

The Gate—yes, that should be the place where my feet (and wobbly knees) are planted. I could greet the kids and help them feel a little more comfortable as they came to their new school. I wanted to breed confidence in the parents (if they only knew how ill equipped I felt). So, yes the gate it is. Positioning just in front of the gate, the families started to arrive on that unnerving first day. I welcomed the faces that arrived. In my new red, silk suit the kinders only slightly towered above my hemline. I realized that my somewhat towering, 5 ft 7 in. frame, high heels and expensive suit were probably not my best choice for those who were not yet 3 feet tall. Nonetheless, I smiled and squatted to the best my knees allowed to look them eye to eye as a gesture toward recognizing their faces, learning their names and laying the groundwork for building a relationship as their principal and friend.

Already crying before he had even met me was Jack. Jack, slight in frame and eyes proportionately bigger that what his face could barely brave. He was timid, clearly terrified and being dragged to school while clinging to his mother’s leg. If he only knew I wanted to be clinging to my mother’s leg too. I could completely identify with his fear. Jack’s mother persevered and dragging him through the gate kept trying to cheer him on by telling him how much fun the playground would be and how nice the other children would treat him. No such luck, the tears could have filled the water fountain for the week. The bell rang. Whew, the gate pressure was off.

I went into my office and removed what proved to a ridiculous suit coat and momentarily gave my feet a break by setting the stylish heels aside. A quiet moment was but a few minutes before a teacher called. “Jack just can’t calm down.” O.k.—I say to myself, “What am I suppose to do with this crying child?” High school kids cry, but they just want a pass to the bathroom or they go see the counselor. “That’s it, call the counselor. “ Defer the situation and watch I think to myself.

“Ring, ring” but no answer. No deferring today. I walked to the classroom and the teacher’s eyes met mine with an anxiousness that I knew she needed relief from Jack’s distress. With the miserable heels back on, I knelt down in order to have direct eye contact with Jack. With no clue as to what I should do, I asked him “Jack, you look like you are a good helper.” The sobbing started to diminish slightly. “Would you like to be my helper for a little while?” The sobbing had now turned into a whimper. “O.k., I can see I am getting somewhere I thought to myself.” I took the leap and put my hand out there and then and there I knew my life was going to be different as Jack trustingly placed his hand in mine. Those over-sized eyes looked at me with willingness and even more importantly a need to trust someone who would diminish his fear. I had never expected that with such a simple gesture, my fears also became a bit more manageable. Even my knees felt better. He stopped crying and I even felt a little fearless. I can do this and for at least today, I didn’t scare him away.

Instincts amaze me. Thanks Jack for putting your hand in mine and ultimately making me feel a little more brave.